Today my baby boy turned 9 months old. That means 9 months ago our lives changed forever.
2014 has been without a doubt the most defining year of my life.
If I can be frank for a single post in time…
I honestly never thought I’d have kids, and when we decided to have one, I read a lot. I tried to prepare. Miklos… eh, I don’t know, you can ask what he did. I remember him laughing a lot and generously driving to the store at night to find some block cheese or waffles to appease his hungry beastwife.
When he arrived, I knew our little guy John was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen — and that everything that came before and after was going to be totally worth it.
Despite that, not every day was easy. Most days to start were not. Try as I might have to get ready, it turned out that being a parent is one of those things that you need to actually do in order to learn things about it. I am not someone who goes gaga over every baby I see. (OK, maybe now I am.) I used to know it all and join in with Miklos talking about what some people should and shouldn’t do with regards to their kids.
That is stupid. Never judge other parents (unless they are hurting their kids, then tell the kid there is ice cream over there, and — once they’ve gone — proceed to ream out the parent).
I feel like a butthole for all the times I raised eyebrows at people with kids. And I don’t know anything about anything, except for my own baby-under-9-months experience so far. One thing I’ve noticed is that certain people know everything about everything, and those same people never know how to cram it.
I would be lying if I said that didn’t put a damper on one of the coolest parts of my life. It really bothered me to hear people say things I should and shouldn’t do. I know I should be like “Who cares what those filthbags think? They work at Denny’s!” but as someone who has spent a lot of time appeasing a-holes in customer service, it is really hard not to always try to accommodate people.
ENOUGH of that. Never again.
One regret I have about 2014 is that I didn’t get to enjoy it enough, on account of caring too much about what other jerks thought. If you are a jerk, get out of town. If you’re nice, man I love people like you.
We have had a whirlwind of a year.
Sure, I’ve been an adult since the tender age of 18 — by law. This year I think I truly became a woman. (I am not saying non-moms are not women — just that I have always felt like a kid until this year. I am very immature even still. I say things like “your mom” for goodness sakes, and I even think it is funny. What is wrong with me?)
This year I learned that I need some frigging direction. I have always known that, of course, but this year I decided that there is going to be someone watching me, and I can’t just teach him that it’s OK to sit on my ambitions like a bump on a log.
This year I read Martin Short’s book I Must Say. That has nothing to do with anything, but it was a good read. I love comedy and learning about the origins of so many legendary comedians (and Paul Shaffer) all at once was cool. I am now reading Amy Poehler’s Yes Please and it is also quite good.
This year I learned that it is very easy to feel bad at everything when you’re new to being a mom. I’m sure new dads are like “wtf” too. Miklos mostly stays quiet about that though so I can’t really weigh in for his side of things.
This year I learned how gross and bloated my legs, ankles and feet can get, despite drinking what feels like gallons of water and exercising as much as possible. I also learned that the easiest way to lose 50 lbs is to not be 9 months pregnant anymore.
This year I learned how — in past years — access to alcohol has made the anxiety-filled experiences that are every social event pillow-soft and so much easier than they are now. Judge me for that and I’m going to guess you’re perfect in every way.
This year I decided I don’t care if people think they’re perfect because I don’t know a single one who is even close — well, except for my baby boy. As such, I’m not expecting myself to ever be perfect — though I will die trying.
This year I learned that people who aren’t perfect are much cooler than people are in love with themselves. OK, actually I knew that a long time ago. Just trying to segue here.
This year I learned moms put up with a lot of poop — actual and otherwise. Hug a mom today. Even a dog mom. They’re OK too, they just haven’t injured any body parts birthing somebody.
This year, your mom became a mom.
So welcome, 2015!
A new start, yadda yadda! It’s going to be great! I’m sure of it! I have so many resolutions! I’m going to learn to drive a boat while soloing on a sweet flying-V guitar! I’m going to try and write with less exclamation points! Oh man! Wow I can’t wait.
But seriously. Have a safe and happy new year!
(Picture below is from 2011 because in 2014 we stay in with our cute baby.)
I leave you and 2014 with this beautiful quote from my all-time favourite author Kurt Vonnegut:
“At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you‘ve got to be kind.”