Those who know me know a few things. One you might not know as a reader is that I am not very girly. I know, I know. Hard to believe.
However, being full of a baby does interesting things to the tightly-held perspectives you’ve had for so long. For one, it made me like the idea of having kids one day — something I had never even considered realistically, if I’m being honest, but now am really excited for. Secondly, I love telling people stories about my poop now, whereas previously, this would have been extreme faux-pas. I won’t apologize for that.
Third and most prevalent, as you begin to fatten up and fit into absolutely nothing you used to wear without looking like a trashy weirdo, you may find yourself accepting the idea of maternity fashion. If you go to Old Navy, some of the ones in Canada will have the tiniest maternity section, but it is full of somehow youthful and fashionable maternity clothes and, unbelievably, at a decent price. Maternity clothes, for the information of men and the women who haven’t had kids, are about a BILLION dollars for a shirt you hardly like. At Old Navy, they’re extremely reasonable and not priced much differently from regular clothes.
I’m a jeans person. I will probably be DIYing my own maternity jeans since I have about 25 pairs lying around, 24 of which I can’t wear while pregnant (thank you, extreme low rise, for the pair remaining). However, I’m pre-novice at the sewing machine, so until I get brave, we invested in some reasonably priced solid-coloured maternity leggings. And some regular ones from here that were cute too.
The first day, I was unsure of myself. “Is my butt showing too much? Maybe if I stretch my shirt to my knees? Am I being judged?”
The second day, I remembered I live in the kind of place where people still wear the same baggy pants they got in the ’90s, San Jose Sharks windbreakers from roughly the same era and pajama pants to go shopping. Instant relief, combined with a most amazing level of comfort that can still be dressed up.
Sweet heaven! Where have you been all my tomboy life?
I’m wearing jeans today — the very jeans that betrayed me last week and shot my phone out of the back pocket and into my toilet — but that’s because laundry needs to be done. I can’t believe I’ve missed out on these things all my life, simply because I was busy being a boy. Also, I never got into them because someone with influence over my life used to say “some people shouldn’t be wearing leggings,” which is a positive thought to put out into the world, and as a result it became a rule not to wear leggings around that person.
PS, don’t listen to fashion advice from people with garbagey attitudes. They’re often outwardly menopausal and have penis-shaped heads and cocaine addictions.
And that’s my fateful tale, which isn’t all that fateful, unless my fate is being comfortable and looking happy as a result — which I’m OK with.
So how about you? Did you discover leggings long ago, or have I changed your life and you’ll be buying 6 pair this weekend? Tell me in the comments.