How to Have a Shitty Day

  1. Get up at 7:44am on a Saturday morning.
  2. Go to the market and have a shitty coffee that tastes so bad you can’t even finish it.
  3. Get pressured by some Luigi-looking guy with purposely-curled moustache to eat sausage when you already had a danish and cereal, and you really don’t like eating disgusting meat early in the morning because it sets your stomach off, not to mention you already had that awful coffee.
  4. Get made fun of by the Luigi-looking guy who pressures you to eat sausage because you don’t feel like shitting your pants by 9am.
  5. Go home, get ready for working all Saturday long.
  6. Realize you spent your last dollar on that shitty coffee so that you can’t get a real one on the way in to work.
  7. Drive to work through the 90km/hr winds on the highway in a tiny car that feels like it’s blowing away.
  8. Make a stop at the bank to get money for Timmies [this will be the only good part of your day; I almost left it out, but then you’d wonder where I got the coffee later on].
  9. Work the Saturday before Mother’s Day, when everyone who forgot their sense of humour at home is scrambling for cards so they don’t look like bad sons and daughters like they do for 90% of the rest of the year.
  10. Get told off by that old douchebag customer who thinks he’s funny but actually he’s just a lonely bag of shit who has nothing better to do than pick on everyone he sees, for ‘being rude’ by drinking a sip of coffee when he was at least 30 feet away from the register, right as he (actually, quite rudely) butts in line in front of someone who politely allows it to happen.
  11. Work under the impression that you’re in until 6, when you were actually scheduled until 5. Find out at 5:39.
  12. Drive back home through the 90km/hr winds on the highway in a tiny car that feels like it’s blowing away.
  13. Get your shoulder ass-humped by your boyfriend’s female cat who is in heat while you take a ten minute nap.
  14. Don’t end up having any fun with your friends the night you planned to go out with for a birthday, because you have to work the next day again and fun would just screw up the grand scheme of things.
Voila!

About Nikki

I've been writing since I was in kindergarten where I Crayola-markered an epic tale of a tiger and a balloon on a stack of lined papers folded into a booklet and stapled along the edge (carefully, and by my teacher). I love DIY, sewing, folksy music, animals and getting out to look at and listen to nature.
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One Comment

  1. danner q. rockefeller

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